In what felt like a galaxy far, far away there was a little girl longing to be free, but longing to be loved even more. Though she had loving parents and had a relationship with God/Christ/Holy Spirit there was still a longing deep in her heart.

Did it start as a child when she was forced to leave her home and the security she had known when she moved at the age of 6? Did it start with being so different, socially awkward, a bit of an outsider growing up? Did it start with being taught to be a people pleaser, or was it God’s way of calling her to love and serve others?

She would have to learn more about God, her creator to discover more about who she was to better answer that question. She’d have to seek Him with her whole heart believing in the promises of being found (Jeremiah 29:13) to find the most amazing love every imaged or hoped for.

It was a journey, some might even say an adventure, full of highs and lows that would test her faith in every way. She would feel unseen, unheard, left in the ashes and ruins that were called her life, till one day she finally noticed something she’d never seen before, never admitted fully to herself. Does God really love me like His word says? Did He love me when I went through all those traumas, when as hard as I tried found further rejection and disinterest of others that were supposed to be an extension of Him and felt no love, no connection with anyone? When all hope was feeling truly lost. Did He love me with the love I had read about in His word, in what I had heard taught to me? And if I believed He did, why was I so miserable and how was I showing up and sharing with others with that question so deep, deep down in me still?

As a Christ follower since the age of 8, I knew the “right things” to think, to say, to tell myself I believed, how absurb to even question God’s love for me, right!?. We so often want, so badly to serve Him well, to please Him, to be as perfect as possible (not making any mistakes), so whether we really know or not, or feel we just believe. We trust Him, His word, of course. But, I believe for me this comes simply from trusting my authority figures in my life and not having my own well established enough relationship with God to know if that’s true or not. And when push came to shove, I needed to know for myself, not just listen to some words, some teachings, some authority figures in my life, but to experience it through real relationship with my creator.

God was more than happy to help me, to answer the call of my heart, because I was finally being honest, being real, and going straight to Him for the answer. And answer He did, indeed. Over time He helped me uncover so many things, to find purpose and real meaning in my life, to find a true joy, a true peace, to walk through things even more intense and difficult than ever before powerfully because I finally knew in my heart of hearts the answer to that question. And that love did not require performance, perfection, just being. To experience His deep, deep love that He so desperately wants to shower on you it’s not about doing, performing, getting things right, working harder. He’s been with you every step of your life, He’s been speaking to you showing you that He sees you, He hears you, that your heart matters to Him so very much. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is in Hosea 2. Hosea is all about love, being seen, being heard. He woos her. He buys her back from slavery not to have her continue in her slavery to Him, but to be a spouse. There she will no longer call me master, but husband (Hosea 2:16). Take heart my sisters the way Gomer did, Hagar did, Hannah did, Leah did, Rachel did, the woman at the well did,…………… So many women in the Bible felt unseen, unheard, and probably unloved, but God saw them, heard them, and loved them deeply. Don’t give up on truth, but more importantly don’t give up on Him. Don’t be afraid to be honest with Him, to talk to Him about those deep questions that might keep you at arms length from Him. He welcomes your honesty because it’s then and there where healing, peace, joy, and most importantly love can be experienced in new, deep, and powerful ways.